I feel like I went to war. Not a “typical” war of course where my life is threatened on a daily basis. But a period of time that is so intense, where you see and do things that most people should never have to see or do in a lifetime. Like watch your mother fight for her life on a daily basis. Or see her literally take her last breath, going from warm to cold.
I feel like I went to war. I left LA and went to Philadelphia for what became a 6 week war. It was a much longer trip than I anticipated when I first came home but in many ways it was the longest and shortest 6 weeks of my life. And in those 6 weeks I bonded with my family in a way I never knew was possible. We found strength in each other and ourselves that we would’ve never known possible before this tragic time.
I feel like I went to war and have since been relocated back “home” but my wounded soldiers are still so near the battlefield where we all once stood. I’m leaving behind my “blood brothers,” my fearless flock leader and the smiles of the most amazing kids in the world. I just hope I'm not leaving behind my strength.
I feel like I went to war. And now it’s time to return to "life." It will never be the same, but I’m alive, I’m grateful and if for nothing else, I will live life to the fullest, just as my Mom would want. I have to.
4 comments:
Dearest Jen,
I was going to say something profound to help you through this most difficult time but I have no words...only a deep respect for you. I hope you know that your Mom's friends are here for you. I will keep you in my heart and prayers. Your Mom's picture sits next to me at the computer one with a great big smile...that's the way I'd like to remember her. Please take care of yourself and let me know how you're doing back in California. Live, love, laugh,
Sally W.
Oh Jen,
What to say? You are so strong and old beyond your years, unfortunately, because of all you have been through. You are right, you will never be the same, but Kate would need for you to live your life as she did, to the fullest. Distance will not affect the bond your family has nor the strength you carry within you. Your mom's courage and strength is a part of you that can't be lost.
Keeping all of you in my thoughts and prayers, Debbie
Jen:
You are indeed, just as a soldier returning from the battleground, transitioning to a new way of life and change that comes with that. I was thinking about you and your timeline the other week and thought it ironic that it would be at this point in time you would make a long distance move and start a brand new chapter in your life. Being a believer that destiny plays a role in our lives, I now believe that this move was a success for you since your Mom's job was complete in giving you your wings to fly. Perhaps that is what she found comfort in as well and, although missed you terribly, she was able to fully support your decision and be your biggest fan. So, as your Mom would want, Jen, SOAR like you never have before! Who says ostriches can't fly?
The Richardsons
amazing comments, thanks you guys. every little bit helps :)
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